NFW All Stars
Here at No Future Wrestling, we have taken some time out from our busy court-ordered community service to honor a few people who we believe go far above and beyond the call of duty. These are the proud members of the elite honorary successes otherwise known as No Future All Stars.
Corey Feldman (2001)
The most important actor ever named Corey. Starred in such international smash hits as: The Goonies, The Lost Boys, License to Drive, and Bordello of Blood to name a few. This man is the epitome of such buzz words as hip, cool, and hella cool. The man you wished you were, we proudly honor Corey Feldman.
Bruce Campbell (2001)
What can be said about the most important actor...ever? He so talentedly told the age old classic of a guy who just wants to spend some time alone in a cabin in the woods with his girlfriend only to unwittingly unleash evil, which perverts his hand forcing him to chop it off and ingeniously replace it with a chainsaw to combat evil all in the process of looking tough as a bag of hammers and upping the deadite body count. He was in Hercules and Xena, an X Files episode, the blockbuster hit McHale's Navy, etc. We proudly and dutifully honor Bruce Cambell.
We're not actually all that sure what Grimace is. Is he a mutant? A purple Chicken McNugget? Or just a happy jolly fellow? This along with the mystery of the secret of life, mankind was not meant to know. But his McDonald land cookie is the funnest to eat! We proudly and publicly honor Grimace.
Rowdy Roddy Piper (2001)
This great man and hero to kilt-wearing people everywhere deserves NFW praise. He boxed Mr.T for God's sake! One of the best wrestlers to get "fired up", (better than Ric Flair at this because he doesn't have a heart attack in the process). Perhaps most of all he is honored for spouting the coolest lines perhaps in the history of cinema:" I'm here to do two things: chew some bubble gum and kick some ass....and I'm all out of bubble gum." (They Live). We proudly honor, while playing the bagpipes, Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Freddy Krueger (2002)
Not many people realize it, but Mr. Krueger was the innovator of the Fire Match as well as the Nightmare Match (a rare match where your opponant actually comes into your dreams and fights you). The star of a multitude of films as well as a veteran of communty theatre, Freddy Krueger overcame the oh-so common disability of being incinerated and having his charred bones buried in a junkyard, only to come back to torment not only his murderers but generations of their children, all while improving his witty dialogue skills! For transcending death and wielding an oh-so groovy glove while sporting a stylish striped sweater, NFW proudly honors Freddy Krueger, with a nervous tension of uncertainty on whether or not he'll return to be honored again.
'Cuz hey, everyone likes pizza. A long time favorite of both the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Samurai Pizza Cats, it's also a little known fact that during World War II when the threat of Communism was rapant, the US Army actually used pizza to find Communists. They would go around to people and ask them if they liked pizza. If they said yes, they were cleared of being a Communist and let go. If they said no, they were deemed Communists and captured, tagged, and eventually executed. If they said they liked pizza but only with anchovies, they were also captured, tagged, and executed. Not because they were Commies, but because hey, anchovies are nasty. With this patriotic achievement in mind we make Pizza a No Future All Star.