The History Of No Future Wrestling
By Kyle No Good
Do you love wrestling? Did your eyes get misty when Jake The Snake Roberts defeated The Model Rick Martel in a blindfold match to win back his eyesight? Were you outraged when Earthquake crushed the Ultimate Warrior? Did your heart crumble when Shawn Micheals kicked Marty Janetti through a window only to be reformed when Sting called out Robocop? Then I'm guessing you have too much time on your hands and that you dont have a girlfriend. Your search for the most quality entertainment is over! Born out of a night of binge drinking and mirror punching, is the new face of wrestling...No Future Wrestling! What started as a bloody battle between two no future soldiers has escalated into a worldwide phenomenon. The revolution may not be televised but you can bet your left nut that it will be videotaped and made available to the public for a small fee plus shipping and handling.
This is No Future Wrestling!
No Future Wrestling is wrestling for today! NFW began in July of 2000 and has been on a collision course with destiny ever since. This is not someone gettin' paid to be hurt, this is not a psuedo "hardcore icon", and this is not talentless backyard wrasslin'. This is NFW! Real blood, real no future soldiers. This is lightbulbs, barbwire, ovens, fireworks, thumbtacks, chairs, ladders, toe curling DDT's, oh my! Were not good looking, were not too bright either, but we go the distance for one simple and pervasive reason: we have no futures! Dead end jobs, go nowhere community college careers, and frequent late night dances with that sweet mistress alcohol. The world will explode in a million years and there won't be enough social security to support you when you get old.
This is NFW!
The future of wrestling is now, motherfucker!